When strangers become friends, and lovers become strangers again…

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Last night, by chance, I had to fleetingly reconnect with someone who once held my heart. It was strange to speak to each other as strangers would, as if he had never known my secrets or fears, and I his. It got me thinking about all the people who have passed through my life thus far. All the strangers that I have shared an integral part of my life and soul with, only for them to fall back in to the abyss of this large Earth and become strangers once more.

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As a species that supposedly need connection, how do we go from the above, to the below?

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I know there’s pain involved in many instances, yes, I remember that all too well, but others simply drift. Like the school friends we haven’t seen or heard of since we finished our exams, or the work colleague we had an incredible bond with, whose wonder we forgot when we moved to another job.

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..and what about THOSE friends. The crazy, sociable, bad for your future but great for right now friends, that somewhere a midst the madness showed glimpses of beauty and friendship that you will never forget..but you had to leave behind, for your sanity, and your personal progression.

I think the hardest part is “re-becoming” strangers. To look into the eyes of someone you once loved, or a person you once bared your heart to as your closest friend, and see a cold detachment that time and distance has created.

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If I could round up all the people from my past, those who taught me valuable lessons, those who supported me, and I them, in times of need, and those who simply brought pure joy to quiet days. I would thank them, and love them just as I did before. The funny thing is, even those partings that were less than amicable suddenly seem irrelevant in comparison to cherished memories, when enough time has passed.

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I saw the above quote online and understood its sadness, but I say, hold on to the good. Yes its true, “friends become strangers” but instead of focusing on their leaving, why not remember the unadulterated happiness those same people brought, when as strangers, if but for a moment in this transient life, they became friends.

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Light at the End of the Tunnel!!!!

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They say that with experience comes understanding, with age comes grace. It’s been a tough year, a life changing one. I left my entire social net of friends and associates behind in search of a more positive lifestyle, removed myself effectively entirely from society for up to 8 months, in search of my “soul” as it were, and then faced more struggle as I fought to re-adjust. To bring the knowledge and inner peace I had found out into the cruel world and keep it safe from rat race realities and faces of the past. To stay true to my soulful self in a sensual society and keep my creativity thriving in a 9 to 5 prison… somehow, I think I did it!

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I always wondered what that elusive “happiness” felt like, never with a clue how to reach it, how to grasp it, how to keep it. This year I realised it grows from inner peace. Complete calm and satisfaction within, with who you are, how you are.. I had heard so many times before that happiness is an attitude and now I see this notion isn’t too far out of the ballpark.

I used to think I found happiness when I found love, and yes it’s true a degree of elation did course through me during relationships in my life, but they were fleeting and interchangeable with agony when the relationship didn’t withstand its flaws. Every flaw was like a knife in my heart when my smile relied on love. The funny thing is that when self-accepting and at peace everything feels so much easier, so much less flawed. It’s a sad beauty to know that perhaps if I had learnt this sooner so many flaws would not have hurt or even counted and in doing so led to so many heart wrenching endings. Love is no longer all of me, it is a precious part that brings joy and wonder, awe and delight and adds to, rather than consumes, my life. There are no low points! None of the old beliefs that love is some good moments mixed with lots of heartache, IT’S NOT! Every moment is wonderful!!

I’m finally back at work too, settled in to the office as if I never left and even here feels different. I manage to keep my heart grounded and keep my creative, artistic mind alive, no longer numbed by monotony, I have energy and joy at work and all of a sudden it IS possible to be both the administrator and the artist!

I feel so alive, I appreciate every minute, every hour, the sun feels joyous, the rain feels refreshing nothing can take away from the smiling self. I am rebuilt, strong AND gentle, tough AND emotional and I am ready for anything life brings my way. It’s been a tough year…but if I could go back, I wouldn’t change one thing about the journey that has brought me here. 🙂

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