Endings…

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” (Frank Herbert)

I got thinking today about the endings life gives us. The end of a century, the end of a year, the end of a relationship, the end of a life.

I recalled how after the ending and all its constituting grief and loss comes an in between state where the world begins to open up to us again and creativity revels in the expression of that loss.

Then how comes the new beginning. The yearned for start that seems to take all too long to come to pass when grief stricken. It feels like a whole new life, the rare conscious moment of turning a corner or taking a less travelled road at the proverbial fork in each of our lives paths.

Things happen that we didn’t expect, little joys emerge and life as we knew it becomes a life renewed. The wonderful thing is even if we don’t want to let go, even if we wish to disappear into the loss, nothing can stop life from renewing and joy from eventually piercing grief’s walls and re-entering our hearts.

Having lived the cycle time and time again the losses become easier as we are acutely equipped with experience and aware that life will go on no matter the gratitude of our emotional state at ground zero.

Knowledge becomes a gift, a comfort. A seed of wisdom that instils, inevitably, whatever the tide, we will be okay.

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“The funny thing about forever, is it comes with a side of never, never.”

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I was dreaming of another world where words were true and hearts were truer. A time when all that was said was meant and all that was promised, became. This is not a place like that. Life is transient and flows like the river, ever rippling and changing with the currents of those we meet and lose. I lost him long before I knew, long before I cared to admit, but the miracle of our condition is that,

 

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love has a way of renewing your heart in an instant, giving it a purpose and longing so strong it seems as though it has never been broken. His renewal came before the pieces of my heart had reached the ground and my soul shook, quivered quiet in a corner as I learned of my loves transgression to unrequited…

Now I wish him love. I wish him joy and a deep resonating peace, one which he did not give me nor me him.

This is the point of no return as burning hearts refuse to be warned, and each of ours will burn with new love tonight. 

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As painful as this chapter of my life has been I am grateful for the gathered knowledge that no matter how excruciating, how nonsensical it seems in the moment, God’s plan is always right on track. I have been bruised and I have been broken and I have returned here with invigorated faith, we say goodbye to say hello

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