Endings…

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” (Frank Herbert)

I got thinking today about the endings life gives us. The end of a century, the end of a year, the end of a relationship, the end of a life.

I recalled how after the ending and all its constituting grief and loss comes an in between state where the world begins to open up to us again and creativity revels in the expression of that loss.

Then how comes the new beginning. The yearned for start that seems to take all too long to come to pass when grief stricken. It feels like a whole new life, the rare conscious moment of turning a corner or taking a less travelled road at the proverbial fork in each of our lives paths.

Things happen that we didn’t expect, little joys emerge and life as we knew it becomes a life renewed. The wonderful thing is even if we don’t want to let go, even if we wish to disappear into the loss, nothing can stop life from renewing and joy from eventually piercing grief’s walls and re-entering our hearts.

Having lived the cycle time and time again the losses become easier as we are acutely equipped with experience and aware that life will go on no matter the gratitude of our emotional state at ground zero.

Knowledge becomes a gift, a comfort. A seed of wisdom that instils, inevitably, whatever the tide, we will be okay.

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The Year of Resolve not Resolutions!

Another year has come and gone. January 12th 2015 is upon us and I, I am still unfulfilled. Not completely, not irrevocably but unfulfilled nonetheless. I want this to be the year. The year I start my PHD and in turn my career in Literature. The year I take the chance and find the balance between a creative mind and a creative bank balance! The year I refuse to give in to the hum drum drone of in-between and forge on upon the unknown path of discovering who I am and who I am destined to be. The year I love my body as well as my mind. The year of nature, of poetry, of family, of recognising what is truly important in this transient life.

The year my love comes home..

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Before

You asked if I’d felt this way before,

My heart laughed at the thought-

For your sweet mind was mad to try

& imagine this love born twice.

It’s not just I this love first touches

But this city, this country, this Earth-

For God has blessed us with a purpose

To reveal real love’s rebirth.

I think of great men sent to change us

When the world has fallen down-

& conceive it is through their suffering,

That change is eventually found.

Devastating as this truth may be

Despairing we face the cost-

For you and I were sent to teach

A generation where love is lost.

Stronger than the mountain Ox,

Deeper than Mariana’s trench,

This love will cause the lost to flock

As their thirst for love is quenched.

I will always be beside you love

Through the struggle & the glory-

For I was created from your rib

To tell the world this story.

You asked if I’d felt this way before,

My heart laughed at the thought-

For your sweet mind was mad to try

& imagine this love born twice.

True Love Waits

I don’t really know where to start. How to begin…

My life has been a fairy tale for the past ten months. I have finally found that elusive “true love.” The love I had always believed existed, even when experience after experience tried to tell me otherwise. It is true, that when you find your Mr/ Ms “Right” everything falls into place with ease. There is no stress, no hurt, no hot and cold, no other girls or other guys or blurred lines, just you and your other half in a peaceful bliss that lasts from the moment you wake, to the minute you fall asleep in each others arms. It feels almost as if you’re living in a special bubble, saved for the extra lucky ones. As if you finally know the secret that so many are still trying to figure out, but just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, life finds a way to paralyze you..

My love and I were separated on Monday for two years. Not by choice or for any positive reason, but rather purely down to injustice. It is day three of my two year stint without him and I feel lost, somewhere between devastation and survival instinct. How do you keep going when your happy normal life is snatched away? How do you persist when everything has changed so rapidly, so completely without your control, without hope.

I have so many fears.. what if the separation somehow undoes our bond? Is that possible, even if we love each other so completely? I feel as if I am standing on the edge of a black hole, facing into two years of loneliness and faded memories. I have heard and read about endless long distance relationships, contemplated the times when men went to war, or to work abroad, leaving their loved ones behind and some of those made it through. Some of them.

We both believe that we are meant for each other, and since I was a child I’ve heard the cliche that “love can conquer anything” is it really true? Please let it be true. I’ll never stop trying, not even if he comes back a changed man, because time does change us right? Or can love keep us the same?

My faith is dwindling with this newly awful experience… if there is a God, we need him now.

Funny, just as I finished the above last lines I searched for images to use in this post, with the term “true love.” The first one that appeared out of millions was this…

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When strangers become friends, and lovers become strangers again…

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Last night, by chance, I had to fleetingly reconnect with someone who once held my heart. It was strange to speak to each other as strangers would, as if he had never known my secrets or fears, and I his. It got me thinking about all the people who have passed through my life thus far. All the strangers that I have shared an integral part of my life and soul with, only for them to fall back in to the abyss of this large Earth and become strangers once more.

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As a species that supposedly need connection, how do we go from the above, to the below?

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I know there’s pain involved in many instances, yes, I remember that all too well, but others simply drift. Like the school friends we haven’t seen or heard of since we finished our exams, or the work colleague we had an incredible bond with, whose wonder we forgot when we moved to another job.

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..and what about THOSE friends. The crazy, sociable, bad for your future but great for right now friends, that somewhere a midst the madness showed glimpses of beauty and friendship that you will never forget..but you had to leave behind, for your sanity, and your personal progression.

I think the hardest part is “re-becoming” strangers. To look into the eyes of someone you once loved, or a person you once bared your heart to as your closest friend, and see a cold detachment that time and distance has created.

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If I could round up all the people from my past, those who taught me valuable lessons, those who supported me, and I them, in times of need, and those who simply brought pure joy to quiet days. I would thank them, and love them just as I did before. The funny thing is, even those partings that were less than amicable suddenly seem irrelevant in comparison to cherished memories, when enough time has passed.

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I saw the above quote online and understood its sadness, but I say, hold on to the good. Yes its true, “friends become strangers” but instead of focusing on their leaving, why not remember the unadulterated happiness those same people brought, when as strangers, if but for a moment in this transient life, they became friends.

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